While today certainly allows for a break with the sober formality of the past, the responsibility of the host remains immutable. If you choose to add an attire suggestion, which is certainly not required, clarity is key. Remember the primary mission of the hosts: make guests comfortable.
Use this guide to diffuse wardrobe anxieties. Ensure that your guests start out without stress over attending your event. Attire etiquette today is about clarity, and putting guests at ease from the get-go.
DO I NEED TO INCLUDE ATTIRE ON MY INVITATIONS?
In a word, no. Traditional etiquette frowns on this practice, especially for a formal party. Today, however, given the diverse landscape of lifestyles, cultures, and social education within your guest list, experts agree a subtle nudge in the right direction is acceptable, even kind. There is still one commonly missed point of attire etiquette that experts agree stands true. Never direct guests to wear formal attire to a sanctuary or place of worship. This is why attire wording on a wedding invitation is placed in connection with the reception, and not the ceremony in cases where the ceremony is held in a place of worship.
WHAT YOU'RE REALLY SAYING
Clever wording on the invitation is exciting and fun both for the host to create with a designer and for the guests to receive. There certainly is a place for creativity at all levels of formality today. That said, the attire line is rarely—rarely the place to flex your creative muscle. The reason is simple: guests don’t know what you actually mean. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a term that sounds adorable—even obvious—to the collective group of creators, however, the vast majority of guests would opt for no directive rather than a confusing one.
In contrast, there is grace in letting guests know what kind of attire is acceptable for your particular theme, location, or climate. For instance, what if the country club doesn’t allow jeans or stilettos may cause damage to the lawn—or the ladies wearing them for that matter?
Below are tried-and-true attire suggestions, what they mean, and a fun system of stars to rate where the term falls on our scale of NAILED-IT-to-RETHINK-IT. In a nutshell, use this guide to keep your attire etiquette on point.
An etiquette point for the hosts: attire notes are written as phrases, not titles. This means black tie is written, “Black tie” as opposed to “Black Tie” with both words capitalized.
An etiquette tip for the guests: if stepping into a place of worship is a stop on your list, it is still most respectful for a woman’s shoulders (and bosom) to be covered with a jacket, shawl or wrap.
WHITE TIE
LADIES formal, floor length evening gown optionally, long gloves small evening clutch or no handbag formal jewelry if a coat is needed, a dress coat or stole polished or buffed nude nails evening sandals or pumps | GENTS black dress coat (tailcoat) matching trousers with a single stripe of white piqué wing-collared shirt with stiff front braces, to ensure a tailored fit shirt studs and cuff links white vest & white bow tie white or gray gloves feel free to sport a top hat black patent shoes and black dress socks |
BLACK TIE
| LADIES formal, floor length evening gown (best choice) cocktail dress (acceptable) small evening clutch or no handbag formal jewelry if a coat is needed, a dress coat or stole polished or buffed nude nails evening sandals or pumps
| GENTS black tuxedo jacket and matching trousers formal white shirt—this means a shirt studs and cuff links braces, to ensure a tailored fit shirt studs and cuff links black bow tie of a traditional fabric matching black cummerbund or vest, no gloves or top hat black patent shoes and black dress socks |
CREATIVE BLACK TIE
| LADIES formal, floor length evening gown optionally, long gloves small, interesting evening clutch unique, statement piece jewelry if a coat is needed, a dressy, any finished look on your nails creative soles welcome—less traditional | GENTS tuxedo jacket of any sort matching or creative trousers of a dressy stylish shirt of any color or pattern braces optional, dressy if worn conversation-piece cuff links are a good choice bow tie, cummerbund, and vest are optional fashion-forward shoes, clean tennis shoes, |
BLACK TIE OPTIONAL
FORMAL ATTIRE
| LADIES formal, floor length evening gown mid-length cocktail dress is acceptable, small evening clutch or no handbag if a coat is needed, a dress coat or stole polished or buffed nude nails evening sandals or pumps | GENTS best option, alternatively, leather shoes, belt, tasteful cufflinks |
BLACK TIE PREFERRED
SEMI FORMAL
| LADIES DAYTIME dressy dresses lighter colors, clutch or “lady bag”, pearls, enameled pieces, dress coat if needed manicured nails stylsh shoes | LADIES EVENING cocktail dresses or lighter colors can be fine clutch or wristlet break out the dress coat if needed, manicured nails stylish shoes: | GENTS DAYTIME in the summer, a pressed white shirt ascot, necktie, or bowtie belt that coordinates well trench or dress overcoat, dress (typically leather) | GENTS EVENING dark suit, typically navy, pressed white shirt necktie or bowtie belt that coordinates well trench or dress overcoat, dress (typically leather) cuff links and |
COCKTAIL ATTIRE
When writing this term, it is written “Cocktail dress” or Cocktail attire” as opposed to the term standing alone. If your invite indicates this dress—or doesn’t but you think the event is somewhere between business dress and formal, this is the perfect pick. When “Creative” starts the attire suggestion, feel free to break out some interesting pieces—from clean, stylish tennis shoes to an Elton John-worthy smoking jacket. Take cues from the invitation style itself.
| LADIES party dress, mid to short length, small evening clutch or no handbag if a coat is needed, a dress coat or stole polished or buffed nude nails evening sandals or pumps | GENTS dark suit with a silk pocket square white button down, collared shirt neck tie leather shoes, belt, cufflinks are always a nice touch |
SMART CASUAL
The term “Smart” in styling terms tends to reflect a traditionally stylish, maybe even preppy style. This look is individualized—meaning, it’s about expressing your personal style, while still dressing for the mood of the event.
| LADIES party dress, mid to short length, small, intentional handbag polished or buffed nude nails shoes that complete the look scarves and on-trend jewelry | GENTS clean, typically somewhat pressed, a stylish t-shirt with a blazer could work, no tie, although on-trend neck-ware, stylish shoes—lace ups or loafers |
DRESSY CASUAL
Although somewhat popular, this is confusing terminology and considered among the etiquette experts a bit a less sophisticated choice. If the invite you received states this, we say go for a the above smart casual look. Most likely, your host is telling you, “please, something nicer than grubby jeans and shorts.”
BUSINESS CASUAL
The term “Business” rules out jeans, by rule of attire etiquette. Tone down the flash, but don’t lose the style. Muted colors and relatively solid patterns are more accepted than bright tones and flashy patterns. Given the choices in your closet, pick the solid blazer over the leopard cocktail dress.
| LADIES casual but not-too-revealing coordinate in a tote or daytime hand bag shoes that complete the look scarves or subtle jewelry are fine | GENTS chinos or casual linen pants a stylish t-shirt with a blazer could work, a solid blazer, no tie footwear that’s clean and crisp |
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